(VIDEO) Welcome to my video series!

Hey there! I’m really excited that, along with the launch of this new version of my website, I’ve started a video series! Check it the first video, and let me know what you’d like me to cover in future videos in the comments...

How Big Are Your Dreams?

There’s something beautiful about the way the Universe brings lessons to life. I’ll read a phrase that speaks to me in the paper (ok, let’s be honest- on Facebook), then I’ll hear almost exactly the same thing come out of someone’s mouth a few days later, then an opportunity to coach someone on that same topic comes up in my workshops or with one of my private clients… these things keep happening and then it clicks for me: I’m getting a message! Lately, the message that’s been opening up for me is how small my dreams are when I make them about me. If my vision is just about me, it literally can’t be much bigger than my physical body. What a waste of a life! On the other hand, I can focus out. I can make my vision not just about what I want for me, but what I want for the world. I don’t set out upon the grand adventures of my life because I want to keep the results for myself (although, I do want them as well). I do it because I want everyone to benefit from the fruits of my labor. The money I will make from selling my next book, for instance, will be a wonderful byproduct of creating opportunities for breakthroughs and learning for the rest of the human race. I was observing one of my mentors in a workshop this past week, and he talked to a lot of people directly about their dreams. He kept saying, “there’s too much YOU in there.” What?! If it’s MY dream, shouldn’t I be...

Why Punishment Doesn’t Work (Especially on Yourself)

As a society, we like to be victims. I mean, we’re really good at it. We throw transgressors in prison and call them “criminals” because we feel vindicated and more “safe” with them locked away and cut off from their lives in the outside world. In doing so, we teach them that they ARE bad. They’re criminals! They are destined to screw up. They perpetually deserve punishment. And if someone believes that they perpetually deserve punishment, they will perpetually do things that warrant punishment. And then the rest of us wonder why most prisoners commit more crimes once we let them out of jail. They must be bad people, right? Every choice has consequences that we may decide are negative or positive. Without judgments, these things are simply facts (i.e. I chose to trust the man/woman I love), and we have the gift of the opportunity to learn from our choices about what works and what doesn’t work WITHOUT creating beliefs about ourselves that may drive us to associate our identity with the judgments – negative or positive- placed on our actions. If the man I love cheats on me, that is a fact. If I decide that he hurt me, that men cannot be trusted, or that I am not capable of being with a trustworthy man, those are judgments. Sometimes, those judgments become beliefs. If I believe I am bad, I will consistently act accordingly, and no amount of incarceration will change that. If I believe I am unworthy of being loved and cherished, I will continuously prevent that kind of relationship from manifesting in my life....

Self Punishment: You Can’t Suffer into Better Behavior

o you punish yourself? Growing up, I used to hear adults say things like, “his mamma needs to give him a whoopin’” when a child would act up in public. (Yes, I’m a recovering redneck from the south). They heavily criticized parents who don’t spank or otherwise hit their children. And that’s still the mindset today: to get kids to behave, we must hurt them physically. Perhaps not coincidentally, the region I grew up in also has some of the highest rates of alcoholism in the United States and is commonly referred to as the Meth Capitol of the South. For a long time, we have been telling ourselves this lie that if we make someone (or ourselves) suffer for doing something we didn’t want them (or ourselves) to do, that corrects the issue. Nope. What we know for certain is that, of the adults we send to prison for their FIRST arrest, over 45% of them will be arrested again within three years of release. (Source: US Bureau of Justice Statistics: www.bjs.gov) That means that when we make those who have broken the law for the FIRST TIME suffer, there is almost a 50/50 chance that they will continue to break laws. We actively turn one-time offenders into criminals. But it starts at childhood. In 1975, the American Psychological Association passed a resolution stating that corporal (physical) punishment can, “instill hostility, rage and a sense of powerlessness without reducing the undesirable behavior.” In other words, teaching our children that they will suffer if they misbehave doesn’t work. It actually teaches them that they are POWERLESS. The lessons we...